Review: The Shyness and Social Anxiety System

The Shyness and Social Anxiety System by Sean Cooper
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

"November 12, 2018 – page 107
52.97% "“If I
valued myself, what would I do?” Would you start by taking care of your body? Of
course you would. Start exercising and working out, eat healthy food, etc. Once
you start doing this, you really do feel entitled to be confident and expressive,
because your mind sees that you are taking actions that show you value yourself.""
November 12, 2018 – page 107
52.97% "difficult to feel like you are entitled to other peopleʼs friendship and affection when
that is the way you are living your life. You are acting in a way that says: “I do not
value myself,” and that comes across when you talk to other people.
So the first step is to start treating yourself like you value yourself. Think:"
November 12, 2018 – page 107
52.97% ""Treating Yourself Like You Value Yourself
I have found that it is much harder to be confident around people if I donʼt
take steps to show myself that I value myself. For example, if youʼve sat around
your house all day eating Cheetos and playing video games, itʼs going to be
pretty difficult to not think other people are superior to you. Itʼs going to be pretty"
November 12, 2018 – page 107
52.97%
November 12, 2018 – page 103
50.99% "The problem is that we swim in our thoughts... and our thoughts are shaping a fake reality... by using fake data from past...for the present and future moments...

....

The whole thing is just try to focus on the now things..."
November 12, 2018 – page 103
50.99% "forget about it! Itʼs done man, you canʼt go back to that. The river keeps flowing.
Stay in the present!”""
November 12, 2018 – page 103
50.99% "10
years, 10 months, 10 minutes or even 10 seconds ago, then you are not able to
focus on the only place where your actions can make a difference, which is the
present.
You canʼt affect the past or the future. I remember when I was learning to
play a new instrument a friend said: “If you mess up or play the wrong note,"
November 12, 2018 – page 103
50.99% ""Your thoughts about the past are also not real. When you think about your
past, you are reliving something that happened before. It may be true that you
are thinking about a real event that happened, but the point is actual event is not
happening right now. If you are constantly focusing on things that happened"
November 10, 2018 – page 103
50.99% "103 out of 113"
November 10, 2018 – page 103
50.99% ""If you are ever wondering “Whatʼs the right thing to say in this situation?”,
STOP. Start to install the belief that what you say is the right thing to say, not
because itʼs a great comment, but because it comes from you. Donʼt be afraid to
say things that are boring or obvious. People are perfectly satisfied talking to
another, regular, normal person.""
November 10, 2018 – page 100
49.5%
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% "Or maybe you have one or two people who
you can “be yourself” around, but when you try to talk to other people you donʼt
know what to say and become inhibited?
Many people who I teach often assume that they need to learn some new
social skills to improve their personality. This isnʼt true at all in most cases.""
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% ""What I am trying to get you to do here is to get in touch with the way you
naturally act when you donʼt feel the pressure of other peopleʼs eyes on you.
Do you ever notice how at home you walk completely relaxed and normal,
yet become self conscious in public?"
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% "Donʼt worry
about your temperature being too low, thatʼs not your issue right now.
Yes, there are some people who could benefit from being more inhibited.
But if you are reading this book, thatʼs not you. You need to focus on disinhibiting
yourself.""
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% ""How do I respond to this? Yes, the world does need a certain amount of
inhibition. But not you. The key words are “a certain amount.” You have such an
excessive amount of inhibition, you are like someone with a fever telling me that
some temperature is necessary for people to stay alive. If you have a fever, the
best thing to do is to focus completely on reducing your temperature."
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% "2. "Will it sound good?"
3. "What's the best way to say it?"
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4. ...and only then do they actually say it.
This type of thinking is called Self-Monitoring, and it's bad for several
reasons:"

- Sometimes this process slowdowns and it really fucks you up..."
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% ""For example: Is what you say next going to be liked? Are your clothes
representative of your personality? Will the way you walk give off the right vibe?
What's the right body language? Will doing this or that make you seem less
smart? Do people secretly respect the way you are?
This is the process shy people go through before they say or do something:
1. "What should I say next?""
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% "Unfortunately, as great as this sounds, there is no magic technique to
achieve it. It happens over time, as you gain more experiences and start to live
the concepts I have laid out here for you.
89""
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% "to get to a point where you are much less dependent on other peopleʼs reactions
for you to feel okay about yourself as a person. You want to start having more
control over your own emotions and increase your indifference to what people
think of you."
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% ""If someone teases you, do you feel affected? If someone criticizes you, do
you feel the need to keep talking and convincing other people you are not what
they said you were? It simply shows you care about their opinions too much.
Instead, you want to remain unaffected by peopleʼs negative reactions. You want"
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% ""One of the biggest issues I see with people who have shyness and social
anxiety is that they are very dependent on other peopleʼs validation and approval.
They rely on other peopleʼs acceptance.
If someone has the ability to make you feel worthless simply by giving you
disapproval, then they have all power and control over you. You have given your
power away by requiring their validation.""
November 10, 2018 – page 88
43.56% ""Implement this mindset in everything you do. The fact that sometimes you
get approval and sometimes disapproval from other people says nothing about
you. It's useful feedback, but the idea in your mind that you must/should/ought
constantly meet otherʼs standards to get approval and positive reactions or
else feel hopelessly inadequate is completely false.""
November 10, 2018 – page 83
41.09% "That's the problem... that's the main problem... mostly main happiness and approval... and self-esteem is conditional... "IF" something happens... he or she is going to get more "Up"... if not... more "down""
November 10, 2018 – page 83
41.09% ""For each person building self esteem based on an accomplishment, an
ability, physical appearance, and so on, they feel good about themselves for as
long as their skills, abilities, and accomplishments remain intact. Yet when their
skills, relationships, accomplishments and so on change, they lose themselves in
the process. Is this self-worth? No, it's "things' worth," not self-worth.""
November 10, 2018 – page 83
41.09%
November 10, 2018 – page 65
32.18% "•Self-Consciousness: If you can walk and move normally when alone in
your house, but then feel tense and self-conscious in social situations, itʼs
because you are super aware of how other people are seeing you. Instead of
82
letting your legs and body move themselves like you usually do, you are trying
to monitor what other people will think of your actions and you try to adjust them
manually.""
November 10, 2018 – page 65
32.18% ""Here are some examples of behaviours that come from needing to meet
other peopleʼs standard to get them to approve of you:
•Insecurities: If you are concerned about any “defect” you have, and
constantly check how it looks in mirrors, and measure it somehow constantly,
then you are worrying that the defect makes you unworthy of their approval."
November 10, 2018 – page 65
32.18% "This explains a lot of ... with what mindset you get inside... your body is showing what deeply down you feel...

So after all... failure comes from inner place!"
November 10, 2018 – page 65
32.18% ""Do you remember back to the beginning of this book when I told you that
social anxiety was rooted in a fear of disapproval? Yes?
You are socially anxious because deep in your mind you have a core belief
that says: “I must be loved. I must be approved of.” When you are in social
situations, you are constantly trying to make sure people do not disapprove of
you.""
November 10, 2018 – page 65
32.18% "So here is the thing... if you laugh about it... it's ain't needy or nice...
...

Just as first you need to clean up few one-liners and punchlines..."
November 10, 2018 – page 65
32.18% "The problem is that we see ourself as inferior and that's what really fucks us over in the end..."
November 10, 2018 – page 65
32.18% ""The importance placed in modern society on proving oneʼs worth, on material
success, on status, on measurable achievement is acutely felt by children. To be
loved, accepted, and valued, they must produce the desirable responses. People
are recognized on the basis of what they have produced -- not on who they are.""
November 10, 2018 – page 65
32.18% ""Maybe you have heard before how inferiority is the result of comparing
yourself to others. If you compare yourself to others and come up short, then you
feel a sense of shame about yourself. Itʼs easy enough for others to tell you to
“stop comparing yourself to others,” but itʼs much more difficult to live that
philosophy.
In the first place, you have been conditioned since childhood to achieve.""
November 10, 2018 – page 65
32.18% "This book is pointing out deep problems... most people miss them other skip them... but look you suckers... you can't get far without cleaning up the shit before it..."
November 10, 2018 – page 56
27.72%
November 9, 2018 – page 23
11.39%
November 9, 2018 – Shelved
November 9, 2018 – Shelved as: to-read
November 9, 2018 – Started Reading"

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