четвъртък, 6 септември 2018 г.

Review: 1968, Duality to Unity

1968, Duality to Unity 1968, Duality to Unity by John E. Monaco
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

"September 3, 2018 – page 128
83.12% "I call it...
Spirtual FUCKS"
September 3, 2018 – page 118
76.62% "Because of my lack of authenticity in revealing who I really was to myself (intrinsic), my partner (extrinsic), and the manner in which I viewed my role in the world (observational), I felt growing emptiness.""
September 3, 2018 – page 118
76.62% ""I lied about who I was, what I needed, and what I was willing to give. In an unrelenting search for love, I gave what I thought my partner needed to love me back. The more I felt unseen and unloved, the more I gave of the thing I thought that person needed, whether it was household duties, caring for children, financial contributions, or lovemaking."
September 3, 2018 – page 118
76.62% "I had an inauthentic sense of self. Therefore, I created an extrinsic sense of self to survive and make myself appear lovable and accepted. The self I observed from the outside was neither extrinsic nor intrinsic. It was an entirely different self. If I wish to succeed in any future relationship, I must be totally honest about who I am, then be courageous about sharing that self with someone I choose to love.""
September 3, 2018 – page 118
76.62% ""Having failed at relationships many times already, I have figured out the pitfalls for me. My fear of intimacy comes from a lack of knowing who I am. Without a true sense of self, I am fearful of being that self of others. The fear stems from fear of death and fear of abandonment, with the latter stronger in relationship terms."
September 3, 2018 – page 118
76.62% "First, we must recognize that it’s possible for an event or experience to occupy both ends of the dualist spectrum simultaneously. Some things, relationships in particular, can be positive and negative simultaneously.""
September 3, 2018 – page 118
76.62% "What does that mean in practical terms? The first thing one needs to do is begin changing how he perceives the world, thus the way he reacts to it and the emotions the world evokes. Moving away from a dualistic approach means moving away from black/white, right/wrong, good/bad dichotomies when reflecting on life experience."
September 3, 2018 – page 118
76.62% "If the attempt to change positively is overambitious and fails, that lack will be perceived again, and the attempt to fill it with ineffective, damaging behavior could be too strong to overcome.

One must first identify that lack, and that requires personal, spiritual work, which is what converting dualism to enacting the Trinity OS is about."
September 3, 2018 – page 118
76.62% "If the old practices are addictive in nature—drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, shopping, relationships, even eating disorders—they’re often motivated by an attempt to fill a perceived lack in one’s life experience or emotional tableau."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""If someone tries to change his entire life at once and fails, he becomes discouraged and will fall back into his old ways of thinking and acting. The old ways are often motivated by fear, shame, regret, or some other negative emotion."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "In the end, that’s the best-possible outcome for our lives on earth, and one of the most-difficult lessons to learn. To get here, I needed to stop beating up on myself, living in guilt, shame, and regret, and learn to love and accept myself for who I really am. I had to examine my true self compassionately and let myself be me.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""When I write about it, I’m in a truly happy place knowing I was put on earth to help, teach, ameliorate suffering, and give hope. My interactions with patients trying to live healthier lives, through this book and any other endeavor with which I become involved, will be in synchrony with all aspects of myself."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""One of the great examples of making unity from duality is Wayne Dyer invoking the teachings of St. Frances. In terms of God and the universe, there already is unity, but many choose to see duality. It’s just a matter of seeing unity and accepting it. Unity is there. Duality is an illusion created by mankind out of fear and insecurity.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "The use of the word God by religious people and universe by those who reject traditional religious practices for spirituality seems completely interchangeable.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""It becomes duality without difference. Those who call themselves spiritual believe in the sanctity of the human spirit, our fundamental connection with each other, as the basis for a societally acceptable moral code of behavior and the existence of a force greater then ourselves—a force of good or perfect love."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""Some have called slavery and its racist aftermath America’s original sin. I disagree for two reasons. One, it’s an oversimplification of a complex problem with complex etiologies. Two, using the word sin implies there is evil in our nature that requires exorcism or redemption.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""If, when I was thirteen in 1968, I was more honest about the emotions of my intrinsic self—a lot to expect of a young teen but possible for one who is emotionally honest, confident, and secure—life would have been less anxiety provoking. I would have taken the lesson of the importance of an honest expression of self into adulthood.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""Using this model of a well-integrated sense of self, I more easily understood why I experienced such angst in 1968. When the issues of race, Vietnam, presidential politics, or any of the other controversial subjects arose during that year, it is clear that my intrinsic self was either dishonest or repressed.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "My journey began with my Tampa therapist, Erin Grupp on the day she asked me to specifically and accurately define my emotions, then tell her why I was having those feelings.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""That was how I rebuilt my sense of self, which is still a work in progress. Even entering my sixth decade, I’m not a fully formed human. It doesn’t take that long for many people, but for me...."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "That was no small feat. For weeks, I was completely unable to answer the question, “What are you feeling right now?” I had lost all ability to identify and claim my feelings. It took weeks of retraining. From that experience, I realized I’d been emotionally paralyzed my entire life.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""Rather, I should look at any decision, judgment, or feeling and find if it was effective or ineffective in advancing my life in the desired direction. To do that, I had to be honest about my feelings."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "The way I chose to remain safe and avoid rejection by either side was to hide my emotions and honest opinions and emotionally dive within myself, hiding who I was and what I felt. I became very good at that, and emotional paralysis was the result.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "Note: He even talks about the new generation!

...

Boomer Generation"
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "The side I was expected to embrace was whichever side I interacted with at the moment. Among my friends at school, I was expected to love rock music. When I interacted with my family, I was expected to agree that rock musicians were anti-war, drug-smoking hippies who hated their parents and had body odor."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""Could there be a clearer example of dualistic thinking? The problem with categorizing issues that way is that it tends to oversimplify them. It’s an inaccurate statement of the complex elements of our emotional reality and the choices people must make..."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""To combat that and live a fuller life, I had to live more honestly concerning my emotions with those close to me. I had to stop fearing rejection. I needed the courage to face possible rejection in the knowledge that someday we all die, so we must be thankful for every opportunity and face each day with hope and appreciation.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""There’s no escaping that. It’s nice to feel safe and be in a comforting relationship, but no amount of attachment will change the fact that we are going to die.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "John E. Monaco shows and tells a story in great details from duality to unity.


AND FUCK SPIRTUALITY - P.S."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "Why would all those disparate people not want to have me as their friend and let me belong to their group? I was just like them. It never occurred to me that it was physically and mentally impossible to be just like everyone. My way of avoiding rejection was always to give the impression I belonged to all the groups I met.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "As a child, that approach worked for me. I managed to convince myself that I belonged to whatever group I interacted with at the time. I always had lots of friends, because I was able to manipulate almost anyone I met and convince him that we were of like mind."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "I couldn’t have answered those questions


truthfully without a tremendous amount of anxiety. I should’ve started therapy then. I was so fearful of rejection and not belonging, I emotionally paralyzed myself just to feel safe."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "I couldn’t have answered those questions


truthfully without a tremendous amount of anxiety. I should’ve started therapy then. I was so fearful of rejection and not belonging, I emotionally paralyzed myself just to feel safe."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "Thinking back on it, that was a brilliant, almost pathological, piece of writing. I manipulated both sides of the conflict to appear as if I were aligned to each.


It’s no wonder I lost my sense of self. What did I really feel? What were my true emotions about the war?"
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "Instead, I wrote what would appear as if I felt badly for veterans watching my fellow youth protest a contemporary war and still appeared to my fellow youth as if I supported their right to protest and the possible justness of their position."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""I did the assignment he asked, but, in a feat of incredible insincerity and dishonesty, I appeared to defend both points of view. Had I been honest, that would have been an evolved way to handle the dilemma, because I expressed both points of view."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "When I was home with my immediate and extended family, I appeared to be completely in alignment with their philosophies and beliefs. I did that by manipulation, which is implicitly dishonest.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "I couldn’t stand the possibility of being rejected by anyone. Given that, I couldn’t risk rejection by either side by expressing an emotion either one might disagree with.


What did that mean in practical terms? When I was at school, my emotional reactions to people and events appeared to be in line with the ones expressed by my fellow students and our teachers."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""Conversely, to face the possibility of not belonging becomes one of our

more-elemental fears.


That rang true with me. I noticed why I rejected honest emotions in my youth and continued doing so in my adulthood. I desperately needed to belong and be attached."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "It occurred to me that it bears a similarity to Adam and Eve eating from the Tree of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden. Could the sin they committed have come from their desire to be comforted by their newfound knowledge that they would someday die? I am neither a theologian nor a scholar. I simply pose that question for others to ponder and discuss.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "Adult attachment behavior mimics and recapitulates the attachment behavior seen between infants and children. She discussed how humans are unique among animals in that, soon


after birth, we face the reality that we will die, and that is terrifying. We spend much of the rest of our lives seeking someone to cling to for comfort, to help us feel safe going through life and dealing with that knowledge."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""I could have chosen to live honestly with my emotions, but I was too afraid. I have thought, read, and studied quite a bit about fear over the years. I decided that we all, no matter what our age or developmental stage, have two fundamental fears—death and abandonment. I should explain how my need to mitigate those fears drove me to ignore and minimize my emotions..."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "We weren’t a tertiary pediatric care center like one of the nearby children’s hospitals. However, I wasn’t mindful of those other emotions, just the desire for acceptance. My own survival was paramount, and, for that to happen, I needed the nurse to think I was a great doc.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""I was motivated mainly by wanting to be accepted—not just accepted, but adored—by the new nurse despite the child’s outcome. Due to my poor self-image, that emotion was predominant and was the one I acted upon first. In retrospect, I also had feelings of dedication, insecurity, and uncertainty over whether we should even attempt to care for such a child at our facility."
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""Even more ironic, if I’d been honest about my emotions and my fear of bringing up an uncomfortable subject with the family, I could have prevented a malpractice suit and years of anguish for me and my family. It took many years to settle the case. My insurance carrier had to write a very large check, and I struggled to obtain malpractice insurance coverage for most of the rest of my active career.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% "Mom, seeming content with my plan, went along without opposition.


That was where I made a huge mistake. The history didn’t add up. A normal, healthy one-year-old doesn’t stop breathing without a reason, yet that appeared to be the case with Dawn.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""I met the mother, and we connected well. I wanted her to like me, my usual motivation, so I was agreeable, passive, and nonthreatening with her. “This is all just a precaution,” I said to reassure her. “We’ll watch Dawn overnight, then send her home tomorrow. This will become a brief, bad memory.”"
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38% ""The first example came in 1994, which I wrote about previously in Moondance to Eternity, published in 2005. I totally screwed up in this case, which was the only case for which I was sued for malpractice. While the reasons for the malpractice case weren’t the same as the reasons I messed up, they were connected.""
September 3, 2018 – page 113
73.38%
September 3, 2018 – page 106
68.83% "This book is for people who search hope in life...

...

There is something which can been learn from this book
...

Like the main character... never gave up
...

Which is so called "Hope""
September 3, 2018 – page 101
65.58%
September 2, 2018 – page 93
60.39%
September 2, 2018 – page 77
50.0% "Let's be honest the book is collection of different experiences in life..."
September 2, 2018 – page 77
50.0% ""I have cared for thousands of sick kids over a quarter century. In many ways, I remember each of them, making it difficult to single out a few cases that contributed to emotional pivot points. Nonetheless, I will endeavor to do so here, describing how certain cases impacted me and affected my life at the time all the way to the present.""
September 2, 2018 – page 77
50.0% ""Later in life, when I finally identified my two greatest fears as being death and abandonment, the arc of my life became more understandable.""
September 2, 2018 – page 77
50.0% ""During medical school, I never saw myself as particularly talented at procedures and feared them. I ran from them whenever the need arose."


At first My intetest on 9 and 10 Chapter was lost..."
September 2, 2018 – Shelved as: to-read
September 2, 2018 – page 77
50.0% "I like the whole concept of attachment.


...


Attachment behavior ... I have been founding myself in such positions."
September 2, 2018 – Started Reading
August 14, 2018 – page 50
32.47% "An example of a book which is showing emotional problems."
July 23, 2018 – page 46
29.87% ""What was emerging in America and what I embraced completely was a duality, the feeling that someone belonged to one group or another. If a person demonstrated characteristics or emotions that diverged from the group, he faced possible banishment."

"For a young teen, embarrassment was high on the list, too, which is another form of abandonment or death, thus the phrase, “I died of humiliation.""
July 23, 2018 – page 36
23.38% "A Vicious Circle of constant worry...

"Did I raise my hand in class, either to agree or discuss the liberal views my teachers expressed? I didn’t, of course. I kept the emotions bottled up inside, where they could cause me no harm and risk no possibility of rejection or ridicule by anyone." - Filtering"
December 16, 2017 – page 35
22.73% "Oh come on, don't think that this book is special made for Christmas.
...

It's a book = A guide which opens your mind for something bigger and higher."
November 7, 2017 – page 33
21.43% "The Story starts since the whole beginning and it continues."
November 7, 2017 – page 33
21.43% "What you know is = Nothing
...

There is more into It!"
October 18, 2017 – page 25
16.23% "From Mr. King up to John F Kennedy is that what really happen?

....

or that's another uncertain conspiracy?"
September 26, 2017 – page 19
12.34% "What really happen?"
August 14, 2017 – Shelved"


- This book needed some special look... so I did my thing!


"As a result of much therapy and study, and by admitting my infidelities and apologizing for them, attempting to understand them and forgive myself, I came to realize one important fact: When one spouse cheats on another, it’s rarely because of some deficiency in the one cheated upon. Almost always, infidelity occurs because the cheater has lost integrity in his sense of self and fears either death or abandonment. Due to that person’s inauthenticity in dealing with those fears within the context of the relationship, the person reaches to others for validation of viability and self-worth.


The irony is that the one who cheats still may love the spouse, but, because of years of a fractured integrity due to an inauthentic sense of self, there is no communication within the relationship."


"Unity of the duality in the race problem doesn’t mean that the world must be viewed as colorless or color blind. That would be inauthentic and dishonest. Racial differences exist, and that can’t be denied. The problem, pain, conflicts, and violence result when individuals don’t emotionally accept other races as equal, coexisting, and possessed of the same human motivations, drives, and desires. It’s not that we should celebrate the difference and embrace diversity, as some have expressed. True emotional unity results when people accept fundamentally there are no differences between the races..."

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